I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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