I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Never joke about your clitoris.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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