Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
