Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.