I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail