You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?