And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?