apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?