I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
