I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
