i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
