when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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