im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
