After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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