Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
