He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
