Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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