Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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