i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize