Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
