I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
