Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
