So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
