the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
