if you like me you must not know who I am
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
