Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
