I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
