I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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