I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
