watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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