dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
