but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
being pregnant is like rehab
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
