i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
