Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
