Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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