So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
