is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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