first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
