I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
