Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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