today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize