My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
