his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
