Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
