i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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