WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I AM VODKA MAN
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
