It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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