my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
