I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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