Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
