the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
