Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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