you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
