she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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