I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
