turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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