i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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