I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
