it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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