Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
