the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
