He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
