fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
