i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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