Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
