I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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