i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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