69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
