my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
