I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
