you win again, gameday.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
