Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
