Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
