You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize