Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hippo gnu deer
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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