My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
false alarm. still invincible.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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