i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
