A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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