I need to stop coming to work sober
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
