Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
