i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
