After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
