I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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