Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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