How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
