if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
