Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
