next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it's great music for shaving your balls
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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