just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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