I must be too annoying 4 u.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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