i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
