I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
