i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
