Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
