is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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