You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
