My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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