it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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