Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
