In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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