He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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